


Final Confession

by Wickedfics12



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Book 4: A Court of Silver Flames, Confessions, Engagement, F/M, Fights, Flashbacks, Healing, Heartache, Heartbreak, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Mentions of the Inner Circle (ACoTaR), Nesta Archeron-centric, Nesta Archeron/Cassian Angst, POV Nesta Archeron, Party, Pining, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, The Autumn Court (ACoTaR)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29919912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wickedfics12/pseuds/Wickedfics12
Summary: This is a short Nesta/Cassian fic that I wrote - if you have not read A Court of Silver Flames please do not read as this has spoilers!Nesta accepted Eris’s marriage proposal. The autumn court has a ball to celebrate and the Night Court arrives causing drama.This a what if - what if a lot of the events in ACOSF had not happened and a different route was taken by Nesta but this is mainly a Nesta/Cassian angst!
Relationships: Elain Archeron & Feyre Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Elain Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Nesta Archeron & Cassian, Nesta Archeron & Everyone, Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Eris Vanserra, Nesta Archeron/Other(s), Nesta Archeron/Rhysand
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Final Confession

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fic so I apologise for any mistakes or typos etc. 
> 
> I wanted to write a scene about that Eris proposal to marry Nesta and her accepting it which causes a rift between her and the Inner Circle (more so with Cassian about the decision).
> 
> This fic is basically filled with angst between Nessian and confessions from Nesta's POV.
> 
> I might also write this scene from Cassian's POV soon. 
> 
> Also I made Eris seem more human after his actions in the last book. 
> 
> Hope you like it and thanks for reading!

**Final Confession (Nesta POV) **

She danced with Eris as beautiful music played. She also felt the constant shame within herself knowing that she only accepted his marriage proposal to avoid the temptation of dragging down Cassian even more into her darkness.

She believed that she deserved someone like Eris – someone who was just like her – hated by everyone, a possible wretched monster.

The grand hall in the Autumn Court was filled with members of each of the Prythian courts but she knew that one particular court had yet to arrive. She avoided speaking to anyone, aware of what they might be thinking of her and her engagement. Her powers were rumours they all heard, she knew the whispers of some that were angry that Beron would have a powerful daughter-in-law at his side. That he might use her as a weapon. 

She did not dare ask anyone about whether or not they had accepted their invitation, she somehow hoped that their absence meant they decided against attending but a part of her wanted to see him, the beautiful male who she could not stop thinking about, the only one who had this much of an effect on her.

She did not dare keep any hope that he still wanted her after their conversation when he found out she had agreed to marry Eris. The look on his face when she spewed the words she knew would cement their end. The end which would set him free of her.

_“You cannot be seriously considering marrying him! What of us? Are you so adamant on marrying a prince that the thought of being with someone as low born as me is not even considered?” he said as his voice shook her to her core._

_She knew his friends and family were listening, could hear his voice crack, knew she was the reason for his pain._

_She could say the one thing that would stop this, one thing to make him happy but what kind of happiness would he have with her?._

_So, she decided to bury the hope he still clearly held onto._

_“I deserve someone like Eris” she saw his face go from pure rage to understanding._

_“And why would you settle for a brute of a bastard like me, right?”_

_Let him misunderstand her intentions, let him believe the worst of her. To be hated by him was better than to be loved, a love she did not deserve. Not now or ever._

_She began to walk out of the room and away from him. Cassian stood firm in shock as she did not reply to his last question. He sighed and finally sat down on the chair near him. As if he could no longer stand, as if he had no reason to chase after her anymore._

_She needed to walk away as fast as possible before the tears came. Before the hesitation to walk back to him entered her mind, to go to him and hold him to tell him and make him understand that he was better off without her._

_She walked out of the room and into where the rest of the inner circle was waiting and looked straight into Rhysand’s face and confirmed once again her acceptance of the marriage proposal and for him to send her response to Eris._

_She watched as Feyre looked desperate to say something but saw her also hold back whatever she was thinking about. As she too had no reason to stop this from happening._

_Mor only muttered to herself “good riddance”._

_Elain softly cried and left the room and ran upstairs._ _Azriel looking on with the only glimmer of emotion he had showed this entire night. Pain. For the kind and beautiful sister._

_Rhys looked at her and quietly said “I will deliver the message”._

_He refused to look at Feyre, to see the anguish in his mate’s face._

_At that final statement she walked out of the River house, onto the streets of Velaris and hoped she would be able be as far away as possible from them all before she broke down in an alley and cried until her tears dried out._

She shook off the painful memory and focused on Eris, he seemed to know she had gone somewhere within herself but did not speak about it. He never seemed to want to pry into her private thoughts. He just kept dancing with her and gave her a small smile. He had made no move to enter her bed nor even attempted to kiss her, he had simply told her that those things would be needed when it was time for an heir. Eris had showed her kindness within their private meetings. As if he knew, who her heart truly belonged to but yet accepted her despite knowing she would never be happy with him. As if he waited for her to realise her mistake and leave.

He had delayed their wedding - claiming he would wait for the perfect time despite his father’s warnings of a quick nuptial. She did not know why he was waiting but she felt relief knowing he was not rushing it. It somehow made Eris seem less of a monster the world believed him to be. 

She heard whispers and muffled noises and she felt him before she even saw him.

The Night Court had arrived, fashionably late but they had come. She saw Rhys and Feyre first, dressed like royalty, followed by Mor. Elain walked in being accompanied by the Shadowsinger. Amren was not far behind with Varian right next to her. 

Cassian entered at last and her breath had caught at the sight of him, it had been four months since she left Velaris. Four months of trying to forget what his presence did to her.

His beauty was one she could never get used to, no matter how much time passed or how much she wanted to forget him.

She stared at the black clothes he wore that made him look like a god. His hair in a half bun - her favourite style on him. His wings tucked in tightly while his face showed absolutely no emotion.

She knew she should not stare at him as it would show her obvious desires to everyone, but she needed to drink the sight of him for a little bit longer.

He did not look at her nor did he scan the room to find her. As if he was forced to attend for good measure, to keep everyone from wondering where the General was on this grand occasion.

She noticed Eris look at her with something that could either be interpreted as sorrow or worry, she gave him a smile and kept dancing.

Dancing had always been her way of escaping, her way of removing all thoughts from her mind and letting go of the pain that her heart permanently felt.

As the inner circle walked down the grand steps and onto the main floor, High Lords gathered one by one to give their greetings and Beron signalled to Eris to make his way.

Eris gently whispered in her ear “Shall we go say hello to your sisters?”

Nesta somehow knew he would be sincerely okay if she said no but thought against it.

She replied to him “That would be nice”.

As they walked to where everyone seemed to have gathered she had to keep the wall up. It would not be hard as she had become an expert in building it.

Eris took the lead in saying his hello’s and welcomes to the newly arrived guests.

Elain looked at Nesta and hugged her sister with gentleness and whispered, “You look beautiful”.

As she pulled away she saw her sister’s eyes and the pool of tears that were gathering and quickly looked away, she could not feel guilty about this.

She refused to think she deserved any sympathy or kindness when she had spent more than a year pushing them all away. Being horrible and unkind.

She grabbed Eris’s hand in a swift motion, and he looked at her with a bit of surprise as she told him loud enough for everyone to hear. “Shall we dance some more?”.

He looked at her and glanced around before nodding and led her back to the dance floor, to where she knew she would be distracted enough to not see the look in Cassian’s beautiful face, the look that most likely was carved with hatred. For her. For her dark heart.

So, she danced and danced until she could not feel her feet anymore. Until she felt lost in the music and her mind went blank.

Eris finally let go seeing her exhaustion settling, she murmured her need for a minute to get herself a drink and walked away.

As she walked near the tables she saw him. At the far end, drink in hand and talking to Azriel.

The Shadowsinger did not look at her nor did his face give away as to what the conversation was about and she refused to look at Cassian longer than a millisecond in fear of the tears that lived at the edge of her eyes, the tears that waited to be released at any moment.

She grabbed a glass and drank and another before she had three and stopped herself from going back down that road that used alcohol as an escape. She needed to stay sober. Needed to keep her wits if she wished to survive this night.

She felt his stare, felt his eyes on her.

She knew better then to look at his direction, but her heart and body had a mind of its own and she looked, seeing what she feared.

His hatred.

She had succeeded in creating it, so why wasn’t she happy?

Why did the sight of the one person whom her heart sang for also killed her?.

For one moment too long, their eyes met, and she shuddered at the words they seem to say.

“I hate you and I will never forgive you”.

She looked away and instantly felt the glass he held slammed onto the table and his echoed footsteps as he left.

She heard Mor call out for him and saw his family and friends worried faces. Rhys stopped Mor from following Cassian as he looked at Nesta and she knew what his eyes were conveying.

“You broke him as we knew you would”.

She could not take the thoughts that started manifesting in her mind, she noticed everyone had gone quiet at Cassian’s swift and angry exit as if they too felt his hatred. She wanted to move and go after him. She had to make a decision fast, either go after him now or forever stay silent and live her life as a coward and let him never know the truth. 

She looked around ignoring everyones stares and found Eris, he stood near his father who looked non to pleased with the drama that surrounded him. She locked eyes with Eris. He too let his feelings show when he looked at her, giving her a small nod.

“Go if you wish” and so she did.

She turned and saw Cassian out into the gardens. 

She loved him beyond belief and yet did she deserve to even love him? No.

Did he deserve to know she never felt anything but absolute adoration for him? Yes.

She gathered her courage along with her dress and ran while everyone watched, she heard the gasps and whispers, but nothing mattered.

Only him. Only the Illyrian general. Only the beautiful, winged male who held power over her like no one else.

As she ran to him she noticed that he almost looked over his shoulder, but he did not need to see her to know she was there. As if they were too aware of each other’s presence. It had always been this way, even when she was human. 

“Go back inside, Nesta” he said in a demanding voice that she had only heard during the battlefield.

He refused to look at her, as if he refused to sully his eyes with the sight of her.

She stood her ground despite his voice and said “No”.

He let out a small vicious laugh and replied, “Defiant till the end”.

Her stubborn self-replied back in a witty tone “Yes, until the end”.

She knew he was not finding any of this amusing and once again demanded that she go back inside but she did not budge.

Did not allow herself to move an inch toward him or back.

She quickly looked back and saw the crowd that had gathered around the garden entrance to get a good view of this peculiar exchange, but it did not matter. Let them think what they wanted. Let them hear him spew whatever venom he wished at her. Let them see it all. Their opinions meant nothing. He was all that mattered. She would be damned if she walked away in shame of what Cassian would say to her next. 

Cassian sighed and finally turned, and she felt her heart stop.

How can someone be this beautiful?

How can someone be able to steal her breath away in a matter of seconds with just one look?

He looked her over and said in that commanding tone that made others crawl away in fear “Are you here to insult me some more? Are you here to let me know how you definitely made the right choice? How being a fucking _princess_ is everything you dreamed of?”.

She heard his voice shake towards the end.

How can she tell him that _he_ was who she had dreamed of? From the first moment she laid eyes on him, she could think of no one else. She dreamt of him, the kisses they would hopefully share, the promises and whispers of affection they could have. She never wanted this with anyone. Never allowed herself to believe that it was worth having. Cassian had changed all of that before he even said one word to her. 

“Is the princeling everything a brute like myself could never be?”.

It broke her heart, to know that after over 500 years he still viewed himself like that, allowed the world to make him feel this way. How dare they?

Her heart shattered even more at the understanding that she contributed to it.

She finally found the courage to speak. Her voice coming out clearly.

“You are _not_ a brute, you are _better_ than all of them” she saw him pause at her declaration and he went still in shock over her words.

“You are good and kind and so _fucking_ brave. You are everything I will never be, everything I will never deserve. I would kill anyone who dares to insult you and anyone that makes you feel less than. I hate that I also participated in that, but it ends now” tears filled her eyes as she saw his face no longer in pure rage but in awe.

He didn’t speak allowing her to carry on.

“I have never deserved you, not before the war and most certainly not afterwards. When I told you that I deserved someone like Eris you instantly believed that meant that you were beneath us, but you are wrong because you are above us all, and I am sorry for making you feel like I truly believed that too”.

She felt herself feel liberated by the words she spoke. 

“I deserve Eris because I am just like him, I am wretched, and I am hated. Nobody, not even your inner circle believes I should have you or am worthy of you”.

Her eyes were filled with tears and she could no longer look at his direction, she looked anywhere but his face in fear that he did not believe her or worse, he did not care anymore. The next confession came easily for her and she did not care if everyone heard what truly laid in her heart. 

“I would die for you and I would die with you and I sure as hell would kill for you. You asked me why I did not leave you with Hybern and the answer to that is so simple and yet so frightening, I could not and would not imagine a world where you did not exist, that world is not one I wish to live in”.

Her tears were unstoppable now, and she felt him move and stand in front of her.

So close but yet still so far.

She looked up and saw his own tears streaming down his face as she finally made her final confession.

“After my failures, not being able to stop the wall from coming down, to save Elain from being kidnapped, from my father dying in front of me, for asking you to come with me to bait the King and having to watch him _break_ you, I found the perfect punishment. I chose to deny myself of you”.

He was shaking as he said “Say it”.

“Say what I have known from the moment I met you, what I was so damn sure of when I first kissed you”.

She knew what he was asking, knew that _this_ was the final confession and so she wiped her tears away and looked straight into his eyes and said the words she had wanted to scream from day one but was too scared to.

“You are my mate. You are mine and I am yours”.

He sagged with relief, wrapped his arms around her and held her, and she felt him shake and cry at her words while whispering “I love you”. 

He kissed her neck; the same place he first had showed her how much he wanted her all those years ago back when she was still human.

He gently moved out of her arms and leaned his forehead on hers.

“You will not marry Eris” he whispered.

She shook her head and replied with one simple word “No”.

His eyes stared into hers with so much love and intensity.

“There will be no one else. For either of us”.

“Yes” she whispered back.

“Ever” he promised.

She put her arms around his neck and leaned in close, kissing him lightly.

“Ever” as she swore that this was their forever.

He shuddered at her promise and kissed her with passion she never knew existed.

The walls she had built were destroyed instantly. By this kiss, by the confessions. By the sheer understanding that she wanted to be a better version of who she was and not only for him but most importantly for herself and the future that they had promised each other.

He kept kissing her like she was the only source of life and grabbed her as if she would disappear in a matter of seconds.

She stopped the kiss him to say, “Take me away from here” and he obliged with a smile.

He swept her off the ground and flew away.

She looked back at the crowd that had witnessed everything to find everyone in astonishment and for a second she saw Eris smile and walk back inside. 

She held onto her mate as he held onto her and they made their way back to Velaris.

Back to where their forever would start.


End file.
